Hurting Him
by Hide-because-it's-me
Summary: Starring: a rainy day, an overreacting Raven, a hurt Beast Boy, a conscience, the changling’s desk, its secrets and some other stuff. Short thing, BBxRae


**_Disclaimer:_** I do not own Teen Titans, but man hath dreams…

Yet another short BBRae thing. Nothing special, nothing outstanding, however, I hope you'll enjoy it.  
By the way, English isn't my first language, just in case you are surprised at some impossible constructions, too many commas or whatever.

And, oh my god, I suck at titles.

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_**Hurting Him**_

The rain was pattering on the ground and the clouds over Jump City seemed to be the darkest and densest ones the citizens had ever seen. Only from time to time a lightning forced its way through the gloom. The weather had not changed for three days now and there was no end in sight. But although you could have expected it – for it is needless to say that such bleak and rainy days are the perfect environment for evil plans and crimes – no bad guy stirred in the city. Therefore a certain group of crime fighters, living on the small island in the bay were free to enjoy some days off.  
Another lightning flashed through the sky and reflected on the outside of the Teen Titan's headquarters. Inside the T-shaped building the five young heroes, though it was just a few minutes past eight in the morning, were already busy. Robin's eyes were fixed on the latest newspaper, he himself placed on the couch of the common room, while Starfire desperately tried to attract the Boy Wonder's attention by gently, but determinedly poking his shoulder with her finger and innocently repeating the question if it would not be a wonderful idea to join her in paying a visit to the mall of shopping again and again. However, Robin was too interested in the world affairs depicted in the paper. In other words, and everyone knew this, the brave leader of the Titans was still just afraid of spending some time alone with his secret crush and thus ignored every attempt of the red-haired alien to get him into something that could finally turn out to be a date. And since Starfire's efforts of getting a word out of him remained fruitless, she dropped herself on the couch next to him and pouted. Only a few metres behind them Cyborg, who had been watching them, chuckled over the scene and returned to prepare breakfast, while he tried to not get in touch with tofu pieces a certain changling had spread all over the kitchen while working wildly on something out of the metal man's sight. Near to the two boys Raven had found a place at the kitchen table to enjoy a good book and a cup of herbal tea.  
Since she had sat down a few minutes ago, nothing had disturbed her peace and she wondered how long it would last. Not to her surprise someone managed to brake the quiet around her before she could even finish the thought.

"Soooooo?" a voice only ten centimetres away from her face asked, stretching the vocal into infinity.

"So what?" she asked back monotonously, not looking up from the letters written on the pages of her book.

"Wanna try, Rae?" the annoying voice went on.

"Ven. Wanna try what?" she wanted to know without any interest, leaving her book for a second without supervision and aiming her eyes directly at a toothy grin crowned with a tuft of dark-green tousled hair.

"This!" Behind the grin the face of Beast Boy appeared, proudly presenting her a meal by holding the plate straight under her nose. Her gaze slowly went to the plate.

"And what is 'this'?" In the whole time she had moved nothing else than her eyes. But now the outermost edges of her lips began to twitch with a slight disgust.

"This is a very special creation," Beast Boy announced, returning to his face-hiding smile. "This is," he started again, inhaling deeply, "Beast Boy's extra-triple-double-mega-spicy-'beyond your wildest dreams'-world-and-even-Cyborg's-meat-obsession-changing-only-for-you-made-extraordinary tofu burger!" With the last words his face changed to the colour of blue due to the lack of air in his lungs.

"I heard that!" Cyborg's voice came from the other side of the kitchen. "No one never ever will take away that meat from me. And least of all a skinny, half-starved tofu-maniac like you, hear me. Don't let ya talk into something, girl." Beast Boy wanted to respond, but he had not taken a breath yet. She sighed. She felt that they soon would start their usual breakfast fight, so she decided to leave before she was pulled into it. She took the cup and book and went over to the couch, joining a still stiff Robin and a still pouting Starfire. She focused on the book once more and returned to the paragraph where she had stopped, while Beast Boy's face slowly was changing back to the common green.

"Wanna try now?" he shouted, standing in the kitchen. Raven winced slightly.

"No."

"C'mon. I made it just for you. Have a try," he insisted, and although he started walking and came closer to her, he did not stop shouting.

"Why should I have _that_ for breakfast?"

"Umm…because…you…can't get the powers you need for fighting da evil guys only from sipping this stupid tea," he stated, still beaming, convinced that he had found a good point.

"Can't I?" she said in her monotone, the words dripping with sarcasm. "Oh, Beast Boy, I'm so grateful that you care so much about my nutrition." However, he did not seem to be impressed, let alone discouraged.

"I know," he said. Silence and a death glare from Raven followed.

"And, Rae?" he said after sitting next to her. Yes, you could say he was persistent - and maybe a bit of a suicide. For the last thing Raven was, was a child of patience, especially when it came to matters involving Beast Boy. She shut her book slowly, placing it in her lap. For a second time her eyes aimed at the cheek-blasting smile. She prepared the words carefully in mind before she spoke, because she just did not want to waste much of them.

"It's 'Raven'. I don't eat tofu," she said, emphasizing each single word. She was sure that she had set out her point clearly.

"Have you ever tried?" He did not give in that quickly.

"No." the sorceress replied, gritting her teeth.

"There's always a first time. Maybe you'll like it."

"I won't," she hissed. It looked as if Beast Boy ignored every sign of growing anger Raven was showing. Once more she stood up and went back to her place in the kitchen. Not worrying about anything, the green boy followed her.

"Alright, I just put it heeeere." Again he closed up to her and placed the plate with the still steaming tofu burger right on the opened book. Although she had lowered her head, one could see that she bit her lip which was twitching slightly. It was obvious that the shape shifter did not pay much attention to the sorceress' facial expressions, for he continued carelessly.

"I would never forgive myself if this wonderful delicious snack went bad, you know?"

"Take…that…away." Every word was pressed out of her mouth, while she began to feel a heat rising inside of her.

"Raven, c'mon, you don't want me to force ya, d'you," he said playfully. The girl rose up slowly and took a few steps towards the door of the common room, leaving her book beneath the plate and putting on her hood.  
When she had almost reached the exit, she could hear footsteps behind her. He was about to pursue her. She clenched her fists. Her eyes narrowed.

"Will…you…stay…there," she hissed.

"I won't, Rae – whow!" Beast Boy's sentence was interrupted by his own clumsiness. He tripped over a step only two metres behind Raven. He had been holding the plate and now the burger took off. It approached a certain blue cloak – and hit Raven between the shoulder-blades. The last thing Beast Boy saw were two eyes, glowing red.

Raven came back to her senses. On the opposite side of the room a cloud of dust had formed and her right arm was streched out, the fingers spread. Streams of black energy crackled between them. Suddenly she realized the terrified looks of Robin, Starfire and Cyborg fixed on her. Their faces wore expressions of shock and disbelief. Little by little the cloud began to dissolve.

"No…," she whispered, but in her head it resounded like someone had been screaming it. A hole. There was a hole in the wall. And through it she could clearly hear the rain rushing towards the ground.

Another lightning broke trough the darkness. For the short moment it lightened the sky a figure could be seen high above the waters of the bay.  
Beast Boy was soaring through the air. He did not move, but he had not fallen unconscious. Nevertheless he was not fighting the fall towards the water. The changeling was petrified and his body felt numb, therefore he did not even consider changing into some kind of flying animal. The only thing on his mind were eyes, two red glowing eyes, their piercing look and a face of rage surrounding them. He did not feel the impact when he reached the surface of the sea. These eyes. His own ones were widened with horror, even when he stayed underwater a few seconds. Then he came back up and floated for several minutes on the waves, still motionless. The heavy raindrops fell on Beast Boy's face and finally his senses returned. First he blinked, but yet he was not sure where he was. He felt a sudden pain shooting through his chest and then became aware of the watery surface he was surrounded by. At the same time he began to taste blood in his mouth. The picture of the red-eyed face in front of him faded, but the memory of it remained.  
At last Beast Boy was able to change into a dolphin and swam back to the Titan's island. He panted loudly, as he heaved himself ashore and walked up to the entrance of the tower. He pressed the opening button and Cyborg's voice came out of the loudspeaker.

"Hey man. I'm sorry for you."

"Dude, just open the do–aww!" Once again the pain in his chest.

"What's wrong, BB?"

"Aw, damn, I think, I've got a some broken ribs," he gasped, "we'll meet at the infirmary, 'kay?" Deep inside of him he knew that there was much more wrong than he wanted to tell Cyborg.

Raven was still staring at the hole in the wall. Then she could no longer bear the glares of her friends resting on her.

"Friend Raven, what happe-?" But before Starfire could finish her question Raven had rushed out of the room.

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"Azarath…Metrion…Zinthos…, Azarath…Metrion…Zinthos, Azarath…" For more than an hour Raven had been meditating, desperately trying to find her centre. But she could not. Something hindered her from it. Since she had resorted to her room the pattering of the raindrops against the window seemed to sound like the pounding of kettledrums and every lightning or thunder breaking the dimness or silence made her wince.

"Azarath…Metrion…Zinthos."

'_Why?'_

"What?" She opened her eyes. Had she heard the voice or not?

'_Why did you do that?'_ Suddenly she knew where it came from and who was speaking the words.

"I don't know," she whispered into the darkness of her room.

'_Why did you hurt Beast Boy?'_ The voice was waiting for an answer. But she had no idea what to say.

"I don't know. Go away."

'_You know I can't and I won't.'_

"You will," she whispered once again.

'_Raven, you cannot fight your own conscience,'_ the voice responded gently. _'Did he really deserve it?'_

"Yes."

'_Is this what you're thinking? Is this what you're believing? All he wanted you to do was to take a small bite. Would it have killed you?'_ Raven could not stand it. The voice was almost screaming in her head, but although she knew that her conscience was right, she tried to refuse it. No, he deserved it. How often had she told him that her name was not Rae? How often had she told him that she did not eat tofu? How often had she told him to go away, to shut up? And every time she had threatened him with banning him into another dimension, hurting him, killing him. But she had never done anything she had said…until today. For a fraction of a second she had not concentrated on controlling her emotions, her anger. Only for a moment.

'_Was it worth it? Hurting him? Maybe not only physically?'_ Raven's anger began to melt. Never had she wanted to do that to him. Yes, he was the most annoying person she knew, but…there had always been a part of her which liked the things he did, which admired him for going through life in a way she would never be able to, his optimistic look on everything, even on her.

'_You're still believing?'_ She gave in. It was over. She had lost the fight she had not been able to win from the beginning. Guilt and regret swallowed her. He had not deserved it. She was the one to apologize now. She would tell him that she had made a big mistake, she would tell him that she had never wanted it. Maybe he would forgive her, she hoped so. With this thoughts she stood up and approached the door of her room. Before she opened it she whispered to herself, "Thank you."

'_Hey, that's what I'm here for,'_ her conscience answered. _'And now go and get him.'_

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"Alright, that's it, man," Cyborg said, fixing the end of a gauze bandage on Beast Boy's back. The green changling looked down on the dressing covering his chest.

"Thanks, dude," the boy said weakly.

"No problem. But I think you should stay at home for the next few weeks and rest. You've got four broken ribs and a sprained arm, after all. 's that okay with you?"

"Huh?…Oh…yeah…has to be, hasn't it?" Beast Boy's thoughts were busy with other things than his physical state.

"I think so," Robin replied, "but don't worry. The city seems to be quite calm and it doesn't look like this'll change. I think we can managed it without you for some time." Beast Boy did not really listen to Robin's words, for the city was not the thing his worrying was about. And only one Titan in the room appeared to realize that.

"Maybe I shall be talking to friend Raven," Starfire said. Beast Boy was sure that he could detect some sadness in her voice. He knew, as well everyone else did, that the Tamaranean was very easily affected by such situations. She just was not able to bear fights between her friends.

"No, I'll do that myself, but not right now. I think I catch some shuteye," the shape shifter uttered, sighed and stood up, walking towards the door.

"Good idea!" Cyborg called after him. After the door had closed behind Beast Boy, he could still feel the concerned looks of his friends on his back. Slowly he made his way up to the common room. He had nothing eaten yet, he had just prepared the burger for Raven, so he decided to get some tofu, before he went to his room.  
When the doors to the common room opened, he very quickly realized the hole in the wall. Cyborg had covered it with some plastic tarpaulin and decided to mend it later on.

'_Why? Why did she do that? I don't get it,'_ the thoughts ran through his head, while he went over to the kitchen, the eyes still fixed on the hole.

'_I'd've never expected that she'd carry out one of her threats one day. But…why this morning? And it didn't look like she didn't want it. She's able to control her powers very well. Did she want it? O' course I know I shouldn't call her Rae, but…is that really that wrong? And just one small bite. Perhaps it was the fact that the burger hit her. I don't understand why she's pissed off that easily. I think she's tired of me. There can't be another reason.'_ He took a plate with some tofu out of the refrigerator and started walking back to his room. The thoughts did not let him go.

'_Damn, that stupid arm. Does she even know what she did? She didn't come to the infirmary to see if I'm okay. I could've died. She doesn't care…she just doesn't…that's all.'_ He reached the hallway in which his room was situated, when he suddenly found the door to his room opened.

'_What the -'_ He knew he had closed it when he got up for breakfast. He approached the door and his eyes fell on a very familiar person.

"What are you doin' in here?"

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Silently Raven levitated towards Beast Boy's room. Standing in front of it, she hesitated.

'_I have to do it. And he's not the unforgiving guy,' _she thought, trying to pluck up some courage and finally she knocked. Silence. No answer.

'_Good. He's not here. Maybe another time.'_ No, she was not allowed to give up that quickly. She put on her hood just in case and pressed the door opener.

"Beast Boy?" she asked timidly into the twilight of the room. Again no answer. Reluctantly she entered. She had been in Beast Boy's room before, but she had never had the time to take a look around. Why should she, though? But an inner force and growing curiosity forced her to take some steps forward. As much as she could see, the colour scheme of the room was definitely green and it was the untidiest room she had ever seen. Pieces of clothing lay on the floor, clean ones as well as the dirty and worn-out ones. Some piles of clothes were crowned with computer games or nondescript left-overs and – as she had expected – the bed was not made either. Somewhere in the middle of this chaos there stood a desk. It was covered with various magazines, comics, crumpled up sheets of paper, writing materials and much more. One drawer of the desk was opened and something between all that stuff in the drawer caught her eye. Usually she was not one of the curious kind, but that seemed to be worth a look. It was a picture frame. It lay under a pile of paper and it looked like someone – and that could only be Beast Boy – had tried to hide it. She pulled it out, switched on the desk lamp and let out a small gasp. In the frame there was a picture and it was of her. She recognized it. It had been taken on Starfire's last birthday. The present from Cyborg had been a digital camera and the alien was immediately very eager to take a picture of every one of her friends. Raven, of course, had not wanted to have her picture taken, but when she had looked into Starfire's pleading eyes, she had given in and had even tried to crack a faint smile. Exactly this picture was now in the frame. Maybe Beast Boy had asked Starfire for it, but the reason was a mystery to Raven. She was about to put it back, when she unexpectedly noticed a piece of paper, sticking in the edges on the back of the frame. Actually it were two pieces of paper, folded. Unwilling, but not uninterested, she unfolded the first one. Beast Boy – as far as she knew the handwriting – had written something on it. She began to read and with every word her eyes grew wider.

_The smile on her face_

_A rare occasion is._

_It makes so precious the while_

_I spend just looking_

_Secretly._

_But it is to say_

_That no one anyway_

_Will ever beat the stunning loveliness_

_Of her very countenance,_

_Even when she's not wearing smiles_

_That show her much more lovely inner sides._

_Maybe I will remain as a lonely one,_

_But I will not stop till the deed is done,_

_I want to see much more._

_For if the girl I already adore_

_And love, would give a laugh to me_

_So I proclaim it here, then I would die for thee._

Her mouth was agape and the "very countenance" showed much more than pure disbelief. Beast Boy, the annoying guy, had written a poem, a love poem. She had assumed that it would be a note which told him when the picture had been taken or anything else, but not that, least of all that. And it was impossible to miss that it referred to her. Her heart was pounding as hard and fast as though it wanted to blow up her chest. Her face had more than blushed. And still there was one folded paper left. What secret would it reveal? Her hands were shaking, as she tried to grasp the second paper. She hesitated. Deep inside herself she wanted to know what the changeling had written on this one, but her mind screamed with fear of the secret feelings of Beast B- no, of Garfield Logan.  
She dared to open it. There was nothing written on it, only a drawing. And now Raven's heart stood still as well as the time seemed to do. A drawing. It was a drawing of her, only in black and white, drawn with a pencil. The picture showed her sitting cross-legged while meditating. No line had been put the wrong way. No detail was missing. It appear to be realer than than a photograph and even realer than the original person. She was shocked. When had he had the time to do that? All she saw him doing was playing computer games or listening to music, training, fighting with Cy, but now…she felt as if her knees would collapse any moment. A silent teardrop fell on the picture  
A familiar voice brutally pulled her back to reality.

"What are you doin' in here?" Least of all Beast Boy had expected to find Raven in his room. She stood in front of his desk, her back facing him.

"Oh, I forgot, great Raven is allowed to break into every room, but for Heaven's sake, no one's never ever allowed to enter Raven's room of doom," he said, emphazising the last words mockingly.

Her muffled voice came out under the hood, "Gar, I'm s-"

"Yes, I know, you're sorry. You're so sorry. And it's 'Garfield'," he interrupted her. His voice was not filled with anger, scorn or sadness, it sounded blank without the slightest amount of emotion in it. He sounded monotonous.

"It's alright," he continued, "I don't care. There you are. I give up. All I ever wanted was to see you happy. Yeah, of course I know you aren't allowed to show any feelings. But…would it have hurt you or anyone if you had tried to laugh only once. Perhaps…the refrigerator would have exploded or…or…your teapot, the remote, Cyborg's car or whatever. I would have been satisfied, my mission completed. I wouldn't have continued. Or you could have taken a bite of that burger. And if you had said you didn't like it, I'd've never bothered you again… And what's so wrong about calling you 'Rae'? Everyone's got a nickname. 'Cy', 'Vic', 'Dick', 'Kori', 'Gar' or 'Star' for example. That doesn't mean that I want to mock your real name but…but…but, Raven, I'm tired… Just remain the ice queen and we'll never bother each other again." All the time, while he was speaking Raven did not turn round. But now she did and once more she started.

"I'm sorry, Garfield. So sorry." Silence, but only for a second. It was broken by the shattering of a plate on the floor. A lightning ran through the sky and its light enveloped the two teenagers only for a moment in ghostly light. But it matched perfectly with the expression of shock and horror on Beast Boy's face. In her hands she held the picture frame, the very picture frame he did tried to hide so thoroughly, and the sheets of paper, showing his poem and his drawing.  
No word was voiced, silence took over once again. Then he turned away and left the scene, leaving her alone in his room. Raven could not stand it anymore. Noiselessly tears flowed from her eyes and soon the room was filled with the faint sobbing and the rapping of numerous objects, enfolded in a black aura, falling to the floor.

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'_I'm horrible, I'm a monster, he doesn't even deserve to know someone like me.'_ Over and over again the words were repeated in her mind. After crying in Beast Boy's room Raven had went back to her own dark shelter. Her body felt numb and after sitting on her bed, she was once again on the verge of tears.

'_This isn't the Raven I know,'_ yet another voice yelled in her mind. _'Do you always give up that easily? You aren't horrible, you aren't a monster, you just didn't know! And do you know why you are crying? There's a very simple reason for that. But you haven't got the meaning of it yet. I'll tell you. You _love_ him. Only hurting a person you really love can make you regret it in such a way. And now go._

Raven sat. She had no explanation for those words. But she thanked the gods that her thoughts and emotions in her head seemed to have their own personality in some way.  
So this it was. Love. At last, she stood up and activated her empath powers. And there he was. She felt him, she felt all of his worries, all his sadness, all his desperation. And she knew where she had to go now.  
She rushed out of her room and towards the staircase. Then she opened a door and stepped through it. The rain poured upon her, but she didn't care.

"Beast Boy!" she yelled. She could feel his presence on the roof. "Garfield!" Then she paused. Nothing seemed to stir. And then she saw him. He was standing on the edge to the roof, looking down on the ground.

"Garfield!" she screamed once more, the rain seepin through her clothes.

"What d'you want?" he asked dryly. She came closer and stood next to him. Then she said, "Garfield, I'm sorry. I…love you." His head shot up, he faced her. Was this a dream? Had he fell of the roof and died? No, there she really stood, saying that she loved him.

"I love you too, Raven." And then their lips met. So there they stood kissing on the roof in the pouring rain and nothing, absolutely nothing could destroy this moment of toghetherness, not even the exploding sounds all over the Titan's tower. Then she broke the kiss.

"I think we should've some tofu breakfast now." He smiled. "And…call me Rae." With these words they left the roof heading towards common room and deep inside the tower a heart-rending cry could be heared.

"Oh my god, what the fuck did they do to my baby!"

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That's it! It's horrible, I know. Thanks for reading and bearing it!

_Please review, dearest reader!  
_Tell me if you liked it or not or what you're thinking about it in general.


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